There are days like today when it catches up with me, when all my little soldiers step out of line, one by one, as if they have forgotten the rhythm. As I took them on, I whipped them into shape and each project fell into the march; I had been so confident of the one, two, one, two. We were well on our way.
But today all hell broke loose, today the projects that I had lined up: the school work, the journal, the stories, the wood chopping, the tile-laying, the emailing, the exercising, the socializing. It was too much. Something had to give. All of a sudden the beat we were marching to became sporadic, random; every soldier took off in its own direction.
I used to let it freak me out, paralyzing me, watching everything roll away. It used to send me to bed for a week. But I think I’m finally getting it—not everything can be controlled. I won’t lie, I still cry and yell and throw mini-tantrums. But it is very short-lived now, this behavior. I know all my soldiers will be back. We’ll get there; it may just take a little longer.
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3 comments:
Oh good! You're a tantrum thrower too! It's funny, I'm reading this post right after a yoga class in which I spent half the time trying to figure uot how to get all my crap done this week. :)
Repeater, you do the best job of depicting that overwhelmed feeling. I'm there. Also on the verge of a tantrum, also knowing deep down that things always resolve, one way or another. I love the image of the soldiers, first following their orders dutifully, then going AWOL for a time...
Ooooh--love the soldier analogy! That's freakin' awesome. It depicts the situation perfectly. Nice stuff. Hope the soldiers get back in line for ya soon.
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